It’s Okay, Beyoncé Maintains A Database of Almost Every Moment of Her Life


Fear not, Beyoncé worshipers: the Great World Mother has been hard at work ensuring that not a moment of her glorious existence goes without thorough documentation for posterity. According to her recent GQ interview, the Queen of Past and Present maintains a database of every photo, video, and interview in a temperature controlled chamber of secrets in her office suite in New York. The treasure trove doesn’t just contain outside content, though: Beyoncé maintains a daily video journal and has a dedicated specialist follow her around and film her life every day, just in case a second slips by in between interviews and diary sessions. All this comes from an in depth profile of the superstar in GQ, who went in for a humanizing look at the singer behind closed doors and accidentally unearthed a whole bushel of insane:

Beyoncé’s inner sanctum also contains thousands of hours of private footage, compiled by a “visual director” Beyoncé employs who has shot practically her every waking moment, up to sixteen hours a day, since 2005. In this footage, Beyoncé wears her hair up, down, with bangs, and without. In full makeup and makeup-free, she can be found shaking her famous ass onstage, lounging in her dressing room, singing Coldplay’s “Yellow” to Jay-Z over an intimate dinner, and rolling over sleepy-eyed in bed. This digital database, modeled loosely on NBC’s library, is a work in progress—the labeling, date-stamping, and cross-referencing has been under way for two years, and it’ll be several months before that process is complete. But already, blinking lights signal that the product that is Beyoncé is safe and sound and ready to be summoned— and monetized—at the push of a button.

And this room—she calls it her “crazy archive”—is a key part of that, she will explain, so, “you know, I can always say, ‘I want that interview I did for GQ,’ and we can find it.” And indeed, she will be able to find it, because the room in which you are sitting is rigged with a camera and microphone that is capturing not just her every utterance but yours as well. These are the ground rules: Before you get to see Beyoncé, you must first agree to live forever in her archive, too.

Even though this scoop allows the followers of Her Dark Majesty to rest easy knowing that the legacy of the greatest entertainer of our time will be preserved eternally for all future reverie, some were more curious about the so called “visual director.” Who exactly is this person who has agreed to follow in the great shadow cast by Her Magnificence, dutifully recording every moment for the time our greatest scientists will undoubtedly try to reconstruct Beyoncé from the details of her archive so she can return greater and more powerful than ever to rule over us like the peons we truly are? Although a slew of internet investigators were unable to find the lucky man or woman behind the camera, the Library Journal managed to unearth the original job posting. You know, in case you want to know what skills are needed to bring salvation to the human race.

Digital Archivist for Beyonce Parkwood Entertainment No location given- probably NYC Parkwood Entertainment is seeking a digital archivist interested in organizing and building an archive for a major pop star (Beyonce) starting with approximately 130 TB of footage with an eye to expanding further in the future. Candidates should have experience with servers and enterprise class storage and be able to recommend hardware solutions. Looking for someone to start immediately, pay is negotiable. Prospective applicants should e-mail resume and cover letter to: Annette Govan – [email protected] and William Kirstein – [email protected]

 


Attribution

Popular Science
Gentlemen’s Quarterly
Library Journal


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