MySpace Desperately Wants You Back

Short of standing outside your bedroom window with a boombox and bouquet, now-abandoned social network of days-gone MySpace wants you back. It’s been a couple years since you left him, he’s gone out and found himself—he’s really a new person with a focus on entertainment or something. He’s all buddy-buddy Justin Timberlake as he likes to flaunt in a demo video. But really, you’re so over him.

I’ve got your back this time and I can help you say the words you might not be strong enough to. You left him, and now he’s crawling back to you with the pathetic music accompaniment of “Heartbeat” by JJAMZ. Enough is enough, MySpace isn’t worth your time any longer. This isn’t to say I don’t like a good comeback. There just isn’t a place for another social network turned niche social network. We’ve established a rhythm in our current networks and an all-flash-no-substance demo video of Justin Timberlake using a service doesn’t exactly show us how we, human loser-folk, will use it on a daily basis. The only valid conclusion is that we won’t. MySpace is dead.

Gizmodo and The Next Web call it beautiful and amazing. Which is to say the demo video looks “beautiful” and “amazing” under the strict conditions it was made. But I sense they might just be feeling a particularly heavy dose of Facebook dread.

If we may, for a second, look at other central social networks that have tried to court you in the past we will find Google+ sulking in the corner. Google+ had a lot going for it. It could do essentially everything Facebook could do and more. It actually brought something additional (Hangouts) to the table. But your friends didn’t like to “plus one” and you feel so comfortable in big-blue’s embrace. Really how could you leave Facebook?

This new MySpace doesn’t do anything that can’t be covered by Facebook unless you’re a mega-star like JT and trying to determine who your most influential fan is. If Google+ brought something that Facebook couldn’t do, and you didn’t leave then, there is no rational reason1 for you to leave now.

If you’re feeling particularly desperate, you can sign up to receive an email notification when the new version of the service goes live.

1I’m sure the hipster crowd will rush to it without delay. They might snark about it being highly selective and well designed. Again, all style with no substance. They belong together


The New MySpace

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